I’m in Israel for the weekend. My sister’s a soldier here, she’s stationed near Gaza. I came to give her a hug. She walked into my hotel room and the first thing she did was strip. She wouldn’t touch me until she showered. As she unpacked her bag for a change of clothes, my sister pulled out 5 cans of deodorant. One by one, they rolled onto the bed. She looked at me in her towel and said “it’s not so bad anymore. I shower at least once a week now.”
We took a walk through Tel Aviv, catching up. She chatted and fended off Israeli men with her gun strapped around her. We strolled through a park somewhere near the center. There was a group of people gathered around a menorah1 near the swings. People our age, in leggings, running shoes, and some with guns like my sister. They invited us over. We’re just about to light, I think they said in Hebrew. Come join.
Someone started the blessing and the others piped in. One girl lit the first candle and sang a short song. Everyone started to disperse. Everyone was a stranger like us again.
I walked away feeling that familiar feeling of home. Years ago, Israel was my dream. I lived there for 6 months when I was 18, learned Hebrew and met my first boyfriend. During that time in my life, I was in between practicing, believing, and figuring it out. When I left orthodox Judaism, I chalked up my love for Israel as a religious remnant. If I’m living this “enlightened” and “modern” life, could I let go of my love for the promised land along with the other promises I stopped observing?
In the park tonight, I remembered that sweetness I used to feel here. These shared traditions create my sense of home. It goes beyond religion. Only in Israel have I found that cultural familiarity I crave. Whether or not we believe in what we’re doing, or Who told us to do it, it’s beautiful to do it together.
I hope my sister doesn’t go back to America after the war. It’ll give me a good excuse to visit home.
https://www.chabad.org/holidays/chanukah/article_cdo/aid/1358679/jewish/What-is-a-Menorah-Chanukiah.htm
May you, your sister, and your people be blessed. May mercy be in abundance for you all. Loved reading this essay Yehudis. 🙏🏼