I went to a Pink Floyd rock opera last week. It was basically a fancy cover band playing to an audience of 3,000 elderly people. I had a seat on the left side, close enough to feel the drums and see the singers. I turned off my phone and tried to focus as the lights dimmed. I usually leave my phone on silent but in view so I could sneak a peek at it during a show. There were so many older people around I felt like it was disrespectful to their music. I put my phone under my seat and the music started. Two hours later it ended.
That’s what it felt like. A start, an end, and the in-between flowing by without permission. I sat there for two hours with beautiful soulful sounds of Pink Floyd cascading through the room. All the songs that I've listened to hundreds of times on Spotify, YouTube, my phone and computer. I sat there for two hours and could do nothing but get lost in my own thoughts.
I watched the musicians play and the choir sing. The lead musician’s game threw me off but it didn’t matter, the songs were beautiful. As I was listening to Pink Floyd's music, I was listening to my own thoughts. I kept feeling fuck, I'm wasting so much time not thinking. All day long I'm on my phone and on my computer and then back on my phone. I try to fill in every spare moment of time like glue between actions. I don't think enough.
I listened to the high notes of the Pink Floyd rock opera go so high, they took my soul with them. Time flew because my thoughts flowed. I don't know how to describe it, I don't have the words yet, I need more time to think about it. The entire Pink Floyd concert, I kept mourning all my lost thoughts. Beauty and creativity and wonderful things can only happen when we think and I plug up my thoughts with cell phone time.
Every week, when I get the screen time reports, I avoid them because I don't want to see the hours I spend scrolling. I've lived without a phone a couple of times, but I've always replaced it with my computer or someone else's phone. When I have a choice, I’m always choosing my phone. As I listened to everything the Pink Floyd cover band was playing, I didn’t know what they were saying. I didn’t know what the point of their music was, but I do know that it called my thoughts. It made my thoughts scream, get us out, stop blocking us.
I came home and a couple days later, I turned my phone black and white. My screen time went down by 65%. My phone's boring now. I still search for every single possible distraction when I sit in the bathroom or at dinner or during boring client meetings. I look around, but I don't want my phone as much. Without color on my screen, everything else sparkles more. I feel my mind unblocking. I feel my thoughts moving around. Maybe the old people knew something about life when tvs were black and white.
Tonight, I went back to the very first Pink Floyd song I've ever heard. I hit play and sat down to write. It's called Wearing the Inside Out. As I'm listening to this and sitting and thinking and listening, I hear the perfect words. I'm holding out // For the day // When all the clouds // Have blown away // I'm with you now // Can speak your name // Now we can hear // Ourselves again
I can almost hear myself again.
So well captured! I want to go to a Pink Floyd Rock Opera now. I’m not sure what it is about concerts that seem to highlight the dichotomy between being present and being on your phone, but I’ve felt what you’re describing here. Something about live music feels different when you can completely immerse yourself.
Whoa, I never heard of going b/w on your phone. What a great idea. And this reminder of the need to be unoccupied with one's thoughts is a 100% needed reminder.