The night of my birthday, I had a strange vision. I was looking into the mirror. I saw my hair pulled back, but it was longer. It was more full. Something was different. For a few minutes, as I slept, I couldn’t figure out why. Then I got it; I was dreaming of my own future.
I woke up and giggled; is that what I might look like? Is that who Yehudis might be one day? I jotted down the dream and realized how lucky I was. I had experienced something improbable. I had experienced a state I hadn't experienced yet.
I’m part of a writing group, consisting of 6 lovely humans whom I see on screen twice a week. One of them, Silvio, is someone I often think about meeting in person. He lives in Italy, and my weekends just haven’t aligned yet. The other night, I had a dream that we were living in the same building. We went for a walk together. I noticed his height - something I can’t imagine without meeting someone - and how he carried himself. Much of the dream was nonsensical, but that didn't really matter. It was fun; it was fun to feel his "real" presence when all I’ve known is his virtual one.
I’ve been craving a trip; somewhere exotic, far away. I don’t want to go just yet. There are a few projects in Brussels I’m working on, and if I leave, they’ll take much longer to finish. So I stay put and daydream about beautiful places. Until one night, I had a real dream. Around 4 am, I found myself living in Bangkok. The city was just like the stories; bright, loud, colorful, and unfamiliar. I went searching for a sumo wrestling dummy. I wanted to use it as decor for my new home. I don’t remember if I found one, and it didn’t matter. I woke up, nearly breathless; for a few minutes that night, I did the unbelievable. I experienced the best of two worlds.
Sometimes, my dreams are pretty dark and heavy. When I wake up, I want to rush out of bed. I never want to go back. I used to do everything and anything just to forget the worst of those dreams - with twisted sexual moments or bloody & violent scenes. I mentioned this to another writing friend, and he told me, "I have that sometimes too." Maybe the lightness of his words or the reassurance of "you're just human" helped me realize - my dream thoughts don’t define me (and my real thoughts don’t either).
I used to wish for some sort of medication, a vitamin, or a pill that would allow me to sleep 10x less. Sleep felt so vital and so useless; 8 hours (when lucky) gone in a flash. The bad dreams hurt, and the good ones felt meaningless; who cares about a made-up world? Since I started writing them down in the mornings and noticing where they’ve taken me, I feel luckier and luckier still. Every night, I get the chance to enter an alternate world. Somewhere adventure, magic, or the unexpected awaits.
So maybe tonight, drift off into dreamland with me. Take a trip into the half-known. Close your eyes, settle in, and relax. You won’t go far; only to another world. You won’t be long.
Beautiful piece, Yehudis. And honored to (unintentionally) have been called to star in one of your “alternate worlds” (lol). I can’t guarantee a reciprocation, but only because I have trouble remembering most of my dreams. Although I’d love to “call you” into one. We’ll see. There was a TV show host in Italy who used to open his conversations with his guests always by asking the same question: “La vita è un sogno, o i sogni aiutano a vivere?” (Is life a dream, or do dreams help us live?). I think it’s a little of both. I could not imagine a life without dreams, and many times I thought that we’re living in a dream. Either way, fascinating subject. And you, as always, have a beautiful voice writing on it.
Yehudis, I often think the dream world perhaps is the real world and the one we live in perhaps isn’t. Our egos don’t exist when we dream and our souls are free to roam and explore.