I met a beautiful woman in Puerto Rico. Her face reflected depth. Her soul radiated an understanding of the world I don’t fully comprehend. We spent the evening chatting with whatever was on our minds. Time flowed, thoughts came free. I judged quickly; she had it all. Kids, a husband, monetary success and happiness. She lived in the same place as I, so when we got back home, I went to see her again.
I started coming to her house for Friday night dinners. I’d leave enlightened; feeling both light and full of light. Every time we spoke, I absorbed a feeling of trust, a feeling of happiness in the world. Her manner of being left a mark on whatever touched her. I was grateful to have a piece. She taught me about this idea called the Law of Attraction. Feel it to be it, she said. Feel what you want to feel in order to become who you want to be, she promised.
It sounded improbable; but it had to be a little true. She had her life together. She must have figured out some secrets, some truths in life. I gave it a try. I had a 10 page paper to write for my English class. Words wouldn’t come and it was due in the morning. I sat down in a coffee shop, closed my eyes and thought about writing the last words. I imagined myself sending the essay to my professor. I felt the relief of getting it off my plate and getting an A. And then I started to write.
A few hours later I was done. It felt exactly how I had imagined it: relieved and unburdened. A few weeks later, I got my paper back with an A circled at the top.
I started playing with this idea. I’d feel the future as if it was the past. I’d see the end result before the matter was in reach. Ahead of sales meetings, I’d close my eyes and see potential clients signing with me. If I was going on a date, I’d imagine the calmness I wanted to feel. I’d get nervous before dancing salsa Friday nights, so I’d have an exact image of what I’d want the night to be like. It was working; by feeling it, I was getting it.
It seems magical, but it also makes sense. Feelings guide us. Why do we want that next promotion, a life partner, or trip across the world? We want to feel a certain way, so we work towards it. What’s stronger than a feeling giving us direction? Doubling down on why I really wanted something, on how I wanted to feel when I had it, changed the way I got there. Those feelings became a guide and that’s how I got what I imagined.
I don’t have everything though. Sometimes, I get lost in doubt. I focus on feelings that don’t compel me forward. I don’t imagine the future I want so it doesn’t come to me. I failed a class the same semester I tried this out. I had some shitty dates, lost some clients, had some awkward nights on the dance floor. When I get caught up in the glass being half empty, it drains even faster. Sometimes, for a few months at a time, I forget the power of thought and fall victim to my own deeply ingrained patterns.
I haven’t found an antidote. Practicing this type of thought comes in waves; one win following another until I lose grasp of it again. Maybe this is what makes me human. This is what keeps the balance. It doesn’t seem to simply be a decision to think one way or the other. If I’m not in the space to feel it, the energy doesn’t come. But when it does and I feel those strong feelings, life becomes what I want it to be.
About a year after meeting the beautiful woman, I told her about my first impressions in Puerto Rico. She laughed.
When we met, she said, they had nothing; barely enough to grocery shop. They almost didn’t take their trip; but her mindset wouldn’t support that decision. She figured out a way to make it work while embodying someone without financial stress. A short while after that trip, their finances took an up turn. She approached her life with a desire for the future, and the future she wanted came to her.
Your essays always grab me right away. I love this line as a definition/explanation of what visualization is. "Sometimes I lie to myself so that my dreams can come true." Sorry I've missed your last few essays. Been swamped with end of summer/beginning of fall family and business stuff. So glad you keep putting your delightful stories into the universe.
The thing with your pieces is that, no matter what you write about, your voice comes through so clear and strong. And I like reading them more for this reason, rather than for the content per se (if that makes sense). This one is no exception. I just love hearing your voice on the page. I also enjoyed the subject, something I’ve thought about a lot over the years. Loved it.