I like setting my life up for the unexpected. I try creating spaces for spontaneous expression, for speaking with people who cultivate new feelings. When I know what’s coming, I’ve already lived it; I’ve already felt it in my head. The road is most conducive for this, for everything unknown. I’m in New York now and my head is buzzing: the past 24 hours have been exactly how I’d choose them to be.
Yesterday I met with a writer, but he used to be an architect too. He’s my newest obsession, which means the most powerful one right now. He’s got a flair for patterns that I want to understand, that I want to see too. We met at a cafe with pink flowers and music 2 decibels too loud. I got lost in a bubble of time, and then wondered if he was lost in there with me. I’m still high on ideas and forming new chain links between them. He was brilliant, so my afternoon spent with him was too.
This morning, I woke up with a headache so bad, it’s as if I was drinking. Intellectual hangover? I hope that’s a thing. I went for a coffee with an older friend, someone who’s been around for a bit. I almost told him I wouldn't come; I was dizzy from the blood pounding behind my eyes. But a few months ago, I made a new rule for myself: when I commit to something, I lose the chance to change its fate. I cancel as little as possible now. I met this friend and we got lost again. It was beautiful to feel. Afterwards, he thanked me for my inspiration but I don’t know if he knows how much I felt it too.
Our morning coffee stretched out a bit as my lunch date couldn’t come. It was probably meant to be. Only after we didn't meet did I realize how much I was looking forward to meeting. He's someone I bumped into through a friend, and I've been curious to understand who he might be. I got work done instead and nursed my headache a bit. By evening, I was headed to Jersey for dinner and drinks.
5 or 6 years ago, I met a guy on the dance floor. He was different than every other guy I've danced with: he was fun, authentic, and didn't want anything more than a good time. I met him and his beautiful girlfriend over Caipirinhas and succulent Braziliant steak. I would have stayed longer if not for the headache that popped back up to say hello. The funny thing about leaving my friends is that it felt strongly like a “see you later” and not a goodbye. Maybe that's what happens when you know someone for long.
I got to my hotel cozied down with my laptop to write. I think I found my comfort zone. It’s in between the sheets at a simple hotel after a long day of doing. After hours of deep conversation and fluid thought, this is where I feel safe, this is where I feel the most alive. I laid down and rehashed the day. Not with regret but with appreciation. Then, I drifted off to sleep to bring in another day away.
" He’s got a flair for patterns that I want to understand, that I want to see too"
This is such a great description of him. His ability to dissect and synthesize is incredible.